Bildungsroman
by Fleecie
Summary: Something's wrong. Now if only he could figure out what it was.
1. Chapter 1

The explosion was the first sign that something was wrong. It wasn't that his kitchen was in utter ruins, nor was it that it interrupted his work or damaged the house in any way. No, it was nothing like that. Perhaps it would be more correct to say the explosion that morning was merely the most obvious sign something was wrong with him, with Germany. He never would have realized it either if his brother hadn't marched up to his office, slipped a plate onto the corner of his desk, and watched him eat the entire offering without stopping his work or batting an eye.

Said older brother was still standing at his desk, arms crossed, his expression flat. "Unawesome, West. Very unawesome." That look wasn't one he'd seen on his brother's face before. His smiling brother, his stern disciplinarian brother, his soldier brother, his disappointed brother, none of those facets of the man before him had ever looked this severe.

The first thing that came to mind for this possible reaction was, "I did not drink the last of the beer, and if you read my Tagebuch again there will be consequences." A stern expression like that required his immediate and entire attention. Even wars had never gotten his brother's face to look quite like that.

Red eyes flashed dangerously with only a change of the brow angle, eyes and mouth. Uncrossing his arms, Prussia whipped out a finger. "Is Austria here?"

Prussia was using his thumb, which could indicate that there were multiple things he was unhappy about, so it was best to humor him for expediency's sake. "Yes, of course. I just ate some of his cake and heard him in the kitchen."

"You are not bothered by that?"

"He will use the kitchen as he sees fit and cleans up afterward, unlike others I can name."

"Did you know I found underwear... in the refrigerator?"

Well, that... that was... "How drunk were you?"

"It wasn't me!" Prussia cried, tugging at his hair. "But still unawesome!"

"So you're unhappy some stranger's underwear is in the refrigerator. It could have been North Italy, you know."

"Wrong size, and I've seen that style before; he doesn't wear it."

"Then you've come to report who the culprit is?" If it were France then they would have words. It could be England, but Prussia wouldn't be telling him then, and he failed to see what this had to do with the cake Austria just baked, and—"Wait, Austria? What did you do now?"

"No, he isn't here, and I didn't do anything!" Prussia was looking more agitated than usual now. "And those are his underpants in there, but that's beside the point! You realize you're too casual about it? West, why the fuck... you're Germany! It's supposed to be easy to be direct about it; if you're not interested just fucking say so!"

A number of plausible clarifications regarding this whole situation ran through Germany's mind. One, Austria was not here and had not been the source of the explosion. Murder of Prussia would commence after explanation provided a need. Two, Austria's underwear was in his refrigerator; however, it was possible Prussia was incorrect or Austria himself had not planted them there. Three, Prussia's dissatisfaction stemmed from something else, but still underwear related? Had he run out? Four, he was complaining that Germany was not direct enough regarding a specific matter. It could have to do with policy, or a number of other subjects, but that would not explain the explosion unless it was a result of Germany's supposed slight.

"Start from the beginning," Germany ordered, even as the headache began to nestle comfortably behind his left eye.

The paler man sighed, crossed his arms again, and nodded. "You and Austria. Un. Awesome, West. Un. Awesome."

What? "Austria and I? What is it now? You want me to trade less with him?"

"I'm not going to advise on that, I already said so." Prussia was beginning to look more and more miserable. "Come on, West—are you really this, this... It's Austria!"

Shaking his head, Germany looked back at the papers in front of him. "I still don't understand what you're referring to, Bruder. It could be a number of things, but I suppose I am not... awesome enough to completely understand how your mind works."

"Don't you get it? The cake!"

"What about the cake?"

"You ate it!" his brother screamed, quite nearly in tears.

"What is your point, Prussia?"

"Look, okay. West? West," Prussia grabbed his hands and forced him to look him in the eye. "West, look, it's me. It's Prussia. I'm your big brother, your first big brother, and this is really, really important, m'kay?" He nodded for emphasis and waited for Germany's return gesture. "I know I always told you to avoid marriages like syphilis, and I'm always telling you how awesome being alone is, but that doesn't mean you fuck with his head like this."

The headache had calmed somewhat, but in its place was what felt like a clotted artery, one that made his chest hurt and sat there like a rock. "What are you saying?"

"You and Austria. It's been over seventy years. If you don't want to fuck him, then cut him loose already."

* * *

_Tagebuch: journal or diary(corrected thanks to Judy-Licious)  
_


	2. Chapter 2

Germany crossed his arms and closed his eyes as he leaned back into his seat. The flight to New York would take a few hours, and hopefully he could get some sleep in before the meeting with America, which was sure to try all his patience. Prussia's ridiculous accusations early this week were a bother enough atop of his regular workload, but the meeting with America could not be rescheduled without serious repercussions and the meeting itself was very important.

The chatter of passengers around him as they settled down was not enough to keep him from sleep, and actually acted like a bit of white noise.

"Ça va craindre un max!"

"Nu blir vi farliga!"

"…so fun! We're, like, goin' t'haf to doit again. Remember that time…."

"…một, hai, ba, sáu—"

"Khong, khong. Na. Một. Hai. Ba. Bốn. Năm. Sáu…."

"…price is too low…."

Pale blue eyes opened momentarily to stare at the back of the seat in front of him. That last speaker had been rather fast and more than a little accented, but coupled with the response, he could have sworn that it was…

**Munich, Kingdom of Bavaria, 1866**

"_Saupreiß!" Bavaria shouted at him as soon as he stepped through the door – him because Bruder had said the southern kingdom would take it better if Prussia was not there. Him because someone needed to bring Bavaria to collect him and bring him into the German fold. Him because if he didn't then the entire war would mean nothing._

_He raised his hands in a gesture of calm and non-violence. "I assure you, I am not from Prussia or of Pru—"_

_The spit in his eye said it all. Bavaria glared at him, a little roughed still from the battles, but still tall and defiant. He looked a bit like some wild crude animal, actually; it was a bit of a surprise to Germany that they were even related._

_The darker blond haired man turned to another man at his side, taking long pale hands in his own as he underwent a transformation. Where once there was a wild-eyed beast there was now a compassionate gentleman who leaned toward a man who could only be his lover the way those two were going about their silly display._

_And he'd heard up-standing things about Bavaria, so why was he talking to his catamite when there was important business that needed to be dealt with now. If Bavaria wanted his "boy" to follow him to Berlin, he had another thing coming. Look at how he lavished his favored in fine clothes and kept him clean and neat, almost like a woman. At least he hadn't chosen a boy of proper German stock, but at the moment Germany was having difficulty telling whether or not that was a good thing. His definition of a Bazi was dropping with every second._

_It seemed those two were insistent on speaking their mangled German around him as well, and paying him no mind at all. Prussia had said they could speak decent German though. There didn't seem to be any evidence of it._

_With a slow flick of his wrist, Germany wiped the saliva from his face and flung it aside. He kept his hands clenched and his demeanor about him, though – a soldier who lost his temper because of a little spit wasn't worth his salt, after all. It was best to be formal to save his temper and distance himself a little more from the unpleasant kingdom, but not too far. After all, he was German beyond all doubts. "Come, Königreich Bayern, Königreich Preußen and I have granted very lenient terms, and there is a schedule to follow. We must leave now." Germany spared a look at the second man – a Slav perhaps, by his darker coloring – and found no satisfaction in adding, "Unfortunately, regardless of how talented your little Lustknabe is, he must remain here."_

_Eyes a few shades darker than his own blazed with an anger that surely would have ignited another war had the catamite not placed a hand on Bavaria's shoulder, turning him back to face him, and another equally pale and slender hand gently directed the face the rest of the way. He murmured against Bavaria's face as he kissed it gently before his eyes, oddly near the same shade as Bavaria's, met Germany's directly, brazenly so. He turned to face Germany fully, however his back was straight, his manner polite, contained and refined. There appeared to be no hostile air nor sign of trouble or discontent. The brunet gave a painfully proper half-bow, as if they were equals, and acknowledged him with a clear, "Norddeutscher Bund."_

_His voice was pleasant, cool and mellow compared to Bavaria's and Prussia's. His enunciation was also impeccable, which proved at least someone here knew how to not butcher his beautiful language. Over all, he wasn't so bad, Germany supposed. Aside from how he carried on with Bavaria, Germany doubted he would have thought him anything more than a bit of a dandy. However, it was not proper for any man not his equal to greet him as such. This was probably the Bohemia he'd heard so much about._

_German ignored the shorter man as he turned to Bavaria. "We must be off," he announced before turning on his heel and walking off, fully expecting Bavaria to follow._

"_So this is he who will be Deutsches Reich," Bohemia said, his voice carrying to Germany's ears. "I see he's grown with the same manners as that cur."_

_Germany didn't know exactly what he was thinking except he was infuriated. He had been insulted enough already on the way here, and he knew full well that Bavaria would not take this forced patronage of Prussia or forced association with his northern neighbors well, but that did not mean this weak milksop could insult his brother, the brother who raised him and loved him, and get away with it._

_The asshole was lucky Bavaria was there to hold Germany back from punching that too pretty face in. Not that he seemed to care as he continued with a faint smile with his arms crossed and an almost sad satisfied air from Germany's reaction, "Together, we could have been great."_

_It was like a breath, an airy breeze against his ear, but it was the worst insult he'd received so far. To think he would so much as touch—._

"_Norddeutscher Bund," Bavaria said, his voice for once calm and crisp in the use of proper German, but raising over Germany's anger, "may I introduce Cisleithanien... Kaisertum Österreich."_

_Anger left him as pale blue eyes widened and Germany stared open mouthed at the man who nodded to him, the minimal greeting to a younger nation, and as his smile grew. "Officially it is now Die im Reichsrat vertretenen Königreiche und Länder, but I will not refuse the name Kaisertum," Cisleithanien replied._

_This, this thing, this child was Österreich? No, not at all, he realized as he straightened and Bavaria slowly released him. The power in those eyes was too great for some mere mortal. This was no _child_, even more so, this was no pathetic Slav nation _either_. This was the guardian of the Holy Roman Empire, the primary protector of the German peoples for hundreds of years. This was the heart of Europe, that prissy aristocrat, this was—_

"_Österreich." Germany breathed as he corrected his form and returned the bow he had been given before, maybe a little lower than before. As he straightened, he found he couldn't take his eyes off of him. What sort of idiot had he been? A pretty courtesan, no, a princely nation. A nation of refinement, music, sophistication of... exile from the other German states. And he'd just turned his back on him._

_Austria nodded again in agreement. "Yes, that name will always be appropriate, young Germany. When you return to Berlin, do pass a message onto your brother for me." The look in those eyes was cold, not hot like Bavaria's or any other nation Germany had ever met, but cold like the rumored tales of the Far North. "My name – no, _our_ name. Please tell him, we are Österreichisch-Ungarische Monarchie, kaiserlich _und_ königlich."_

_Turning toward each other, Bavaria and Austria traded polite good-byes before they went their separate ways. Bavaria stopped halfway to the door to look back at the thunderstruck German. With an understanding laugh, he walked back and slapped a hand on Germany's shoulder. "Come on now, we've got a tight schedule, don't we?"_

"_J… ja," Germany murmured as he shook his head and turned, heading toward the door as well. "Prussia is expecting us."_

Years later, he would remember that all he could think about was that violet gaze until Bavaria pulled him away.

* * *

**Notes(correct me if I'm wrong)**

**Airplane passengers:** The French and Swedish are supposed to be translations of Darkwing Duck's catchphrase. The Vietnamese is someone counting incorrectly and another correcting them.

**Der Bruder**: brother

**Saupreiß**: offensive Bavarian term for any Germans living north of the Main River, meaning "pig Prussian"(regardless of Prussian heritage or not).

**Austrian mannerisms:** Germans generally believe their southern cousins to act particularly… sweet and affectionate(which is kind of true). This is not to say Austrians are Italians.

**Bazi**: offensive term used in Northern Germany for Bavarians

**Mangled German:** A number of Germans can't understand the Austro-Bavarian dialect. Interestingly, speakers of said dialect can often switch between their preferred dialect and Standard German.

**Der Lustknabe**: a boy toy or catamite.

**Königreich Bayern**: Kingdom of Bavaria.

**Norddeutscher Bund**: North German Confederation.

**Königreich Preußen**: Kingdom of Prussia.

**Deutsches Reich: **German Empire.

**Kaisertum Österreich**: Austrian Empire or perhaps more properly Emperordom of Austria

**Cisleithanien**: Cisleithania, a name of the Austria part of Austria-Hungary

**Die im Reichsrat vertretenen Königreiche und Länder**: the official name for Cisleithania, meaning the Kingdoms and States represented in the Imperial Council

**Österreichisch-Ungarische Monarchie:** Austria-Hungary

_**kaiserlich und königlich**__:_ Imperial and Royal. After the Compromise of 1867, Hungary insisted on the "und" to separate her from Austrian possessions.

**Austro-Prussian War: **results in Austria being kicked out of German affairs and forces him into the Compromise of 1867. Will evantually transform the German Confederation into the North German Confederation, and then the German Empire with Prussia at the head. Also called the "Fraternal War" or "Brother War" in German. Contrary to what this story may imply, only Austria and Saxony really put up a fight against the Prussians, the other German nations opposing Prussia were more interested in defending their own borders.

**Compromise of 1867:** Union of Austria and Hungary into the Austro-Hungarian Empire

**other German states**: that's not quite true, there's still Switzerland for one thing.

Thank you Judy-Licious for the correction(I need my head checked) and yourfriendlyreviewer for the comments. As always, please inform me of anything that could use improvement or correction, or even anything that looks like it's done well.


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